


Show Me How To Be Whole Again

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same [13]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Drabble Sequence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Third Person Omniscient, Pale Porn, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pillow & Blanket Forts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-02-23 23:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13201056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: They have this habit, sometimes, of building a blanket fort together. A sanctuary, a haven, a place just for them.





	1. Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MadameHappy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameHappy/gifts).



> Okay so, this is all because of MadameHappy/teal-and-fedoras for writing such good angst. I needed a release from it all XD
> 
> All chapters have been pre-written, I'm just holding out on posting because... idk. I wanna practice having a schedule.
> 
> Re: those last two tags... I'm a Homestuck. I love (adore) the quadrant system. It's not enough to capture Perry and Heinz's relationship (but then again _what is_ ) but this is more palerom than anything so wynaut.  
>  ~~Plus I told teal-and-fedoras I'd tag it "pale porn" so I kinda had to.~~

OWCA's hidden surveillance cameras see many things.

Mostly, they see schemes. Monologues. Thwarting. Agent P and Doctor Doofenshmirtz, locked in a struggle as old as time.

Other times...

They have this habit, sometimes, of building a blanket fort together, right there on the king-size bed Heinz had bought just for this. Of Perry dragging blankets out of the closet while Heinz stacks up pillows, making a space for them and them alone.

As for what went on inside? OWCA could guess. After all, the two were dating, what else could they want privacy for?

They'd guess and they'd be wrong.


	2. Comfort

Today, they're building one for the first time. It's not serious, this time, not yet.

Heinz is enthusiastic, Perry watching him with a fond smile, and they "really do make a good team, Perry the Platypus, don't you think?". The blankets are thick and warm, the pillows comfortable, and the space between them is barely big enough for the two of them.

Once inside, Perry curls up on Heinz's chest, listening to his heartbeat, and it's enough to leave Heinz speechless. A quiet intimacy he'd only _dreamed_ of. Wordlessly, they promise each other this is the start of something beautiful.


	3. Almost

Today, in the gentle darkness of the blanket fort, Perry cries. He cries and he clings and he reassures himself that Heinz is still _alive_.

It had been close. Too close. Perry had _almost_ been too late, _almost_ been too weak, _almost_ lost him forever. He'd _saved_ him, that's what he _does_ , but the "almost" still aches in a way that's impossible to put into words.

And Heinz holds him just as tight, alive and breathing and mumbling something that doesn't matter because what matters is that he's alive to say it at all.

Right now, that's enough. It's everything.


	4. Rock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter today ^_^  
> (300 words, not a 100-word drabble.)
> 
> Also happy new year to everyone, have more hurt/comfort.

Today, it's Perry who's taken Heinz by the hand to lead him to their haven, after seeing the broken smile on his face when he'd gone to monologue.

Only Perry could have noticed it, only Perry cared enough to look, only Perry had ever tried to do something about it.

"It hurts, Perry the Platypus," Heinz mumbles, pulling his knees close. He's curled up in their private space, eyes squeezed tightly shut, breaths coming short and fast like he can't get enough air. "Why does it still _hurt_?" His voice cracks on the last word, like he's still a boy, small and weak and terrified. He'd never _stopped_ being that boy, Perry knows. All he'd done was learn how to hide it. But in this space, hidden off from the world, he doesn't have to hide any more.

In this space, he can let himself fall apart, knowing Perry will catch him.

And Perry does, pressing against his back. His strong arms curl around Heinz's shaking shoulders, an anchor, a _rock_.

A shaky breath, and Heinz speaks again, so quiet even Perry can barely hear him. "I did everything _right_ , everything she asked, and she still doesn't- Am I really that much of a failure?" One of the many insecurities he never voices outside the sanctuary that is their blanket fort.

Perry shakes his head. No, Heinz isn't a failure, could never be a failure. Not when he refuses to give up, no matter how hard things get. Not when he throws everything he is into everything he does. Not when Perry loves him so much it makes his heart ache.

It can't replace the love his mother never gave him, but it's _something_. And if it helps, when Heinz hurts like this, that's enough. It has to be enough.


	5. Sleep

Today, Perry sleeps.

He'd shown up exhausted, the bags under his eyes so deep Heinz couldn't help but feel he understands why it's called " _dead_ tired", swaying where he'd stood.

It wasn't the first time he'd been sent out on little to no sleep, but never this bad.

So, now, he sleeps. And Heinz watches over him, a quiet guardian, holding his tongue so as not to wake him. His gentle fingers smooth down Perry's soft fur and, without warning, Perry makes a noise almost like a purr.

Heinz smiles at the sound, and curls around his beloved sleeping nemesis.


	6. Shape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another longer chapter. 200 words, so a double drabble.

Today, there had been no scheme to thwart, just Heinz curled up on the couch after a disastrous family reunion. He hadn't been invited.

That's what he tells Perry, once he's safely inside their sanctuary. He whispers, through deep, shuddering sobs, that no one had thought to invite him to his own family's reunion, or even told him it was happening.

He tries to keep it light, despite the way his throat closes up, but Perry knows him well enough to know how much it hurts. And it does hurt. More than he could ever say, even here.

How could he ever find the words to describe the aching loneliness, to explain how it feels to be ostracised at every turn, to talk about any of it at all?

And yet, Perry understands.

The thing about backstories is, when taken individually they're small, minor, easily glossed over, but take a step back and a shape emerges. The shape of Heinz's past in particular is easy to trace, a lifetime of pain both physical and emotional.

Perry's spent a lot of time thinking about Heinz's past, and the shape it makes, and all he can do is hold the man tight.


	7. Love

Today, their hands find each other in the gentle darkness, fingers intertwining like the only thing that matters is the contact.

Eyes closed, Heinz whispers a soft "I love you", here in this space where he can open up his heart without fear. Here where nothing can hurt him. Here where he's _safe_.

Perry nuzzles sleepily at his jaw, utterly content.

The sound of their breathing is loud in the silence, the blankets muting the sound of the outside world and shielding them from its gaze, and for a brief moment they're at peace. It's all they can hope for.


	8. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another longer chapter. 250 words, which is kinda odd but I make it up later.
> 
> This one... it was the first one I wrote, actually, and originally in past tense. (Third person past tense is just Easier for me.) So putting it, and everything else, into present was somewhat of an experiment.

Today, under the thick blankets that muffle their whispers, Heinz kisses away Perry's tears.

The platypus had shown up shaken, shaking, barely able to stand. He'd stood anyway, he'd gotten trapped anyway, he'd acted like nothing was wrong when it clearly was. But when it had come time to escape the trap, his fragile composure had shattered, and Heinz's heart with it.

The scheme had immediately been abandoned, Heinz hitting the self-destruct button himself before scooping his nemesis into his arms.

And now, shielded from prying eyes, Perry lets himself break down. His head is bare, his fedora and thus the responsibilities it represents having been abandoned to the side as soon as he'd entered the safety of the blanket fort.

No one else is here to see his weakness, the way he shakes and sobs and falls apart in Heinz's arms. No one else can see the way Heinz wraps his arms around his nemesis and kisses away his tears and whispers softly that Perry is _loved_. No one else would ever know just how much they both need this.

Eventually, once Perry is barely trembling against him, Heinz whispers a quiet "Are you alright, Perry the Platypus?"

Perry doesn't, _can't_ , answer; even if he could speak aloud, finding the words to explain would be all but impossible. Instead, he burrows deeper into Heinz's side, holding tight like Heinz is a lifeline.

"Yeah, me either," Heinz says, still quiet, then presses another kiss to the top of Perry's head.


	9. Scars

Today, Perry runs his gentle paws over Heinz's scars like they're _beautiful_.

Heinz shudders under him, wanting to flinch but holding still anyway, because Perry the Platypus had asked to see them and how could he refuse, in this place made for just the two of them. How could he be scared when Perry the Platypus doesn't judge, and instead accepts him for who he is. Scars and all.

How could he think of himself as _broken_ when Perry the Platypus is touching him so reverently?

And if he cries, here in this space, it won't be the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one... actually came from when I was waxing poetic about the blanket fort thing to teal-and-fedoras, before I'd even decided I had to write it.  
> (In all honesty, I think this one's why I had to.)


	10. Words

Today, Perry had arrived snarling, wordlessly furious.

Despite his rage, he lets Heinz tug him gently to their hiding place, where he surrenders the piece of paper clutched tight in his paw. How else could he explain, but in OWCA's own words?

Heinz reads it and goes still. "We'll stop them," he says, deceptively calm, only the thin line of his mouth betraying his anger. He's never looked so terrifying, and Perry's heart flutters in his chest. "I don't know how, but we will."

Pressed up against him, shaking with fury and fear, Perry nods. It's all they can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I just can't help myself, apparently. XD
> 
> (Uploading a couple hours early because migraine.)


	11. Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, only 50 words, to round off the 250-word one from earlier.  
> (But I'm also posting [another fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13309635) to make up for it so. If you need that Perryshmirtz hurt/comfort fix, that's just over there for ya.)

Today, they hold each other close, knowing this time has to end but desperate to put it off for just one more second.

It can't last forever. They know that. Responsibilities weigh down on them both.

Still, they hold each other tight and promise this won't be the last time.


	12. Forever

Today, there is no blanket fort. No Heinz Doofenshmirtz, working away on his latest scheme. No Perry the Platypus, here to stop him.

Nothing but the empty space they leave behind.

OWCA's hidden surveillance cameras see all of this. But even cameras can't see the future.

They'll come back, one day, when the fight is over. Pull out the blankets, stack up some pillows, curl up in the blanket fort where they can show their true selves. All the pain and anger and love they can't express anywhere else.

And until then, they'll carry their blanket fort in their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter~
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the ride :D

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from [Castle of Glass](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRGSHvlu9Ss) by Linkin Park, because I couldn't not name a fic after my favourite song ever.
> 
> [Come yell with me on Discord.](https://discord.gg/eEhRMq3) (Perryshmirtz server.)


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